BIA

It appears I'm reactived to a normal running schedule this month. For the first time in 4 years I've logged more than 4 total miles in one week. That certainly doesn't sound great compared to my peak weekly half marathon training weeks of 15-30 miles, but I'm excited that my DVTs and blood flow has healed up enough to where I can actually run pain and "lock-up" free. It's amazing that this is my first month running pain free since my first knee surgery in 2015. I am cautiously optimistic but I think everyone knows when their body is saying "let me back in the ring, now". The reality is that the wussy in me says that a 230 lb aging clydesdale runner really shouldn't be stressing and pushing the boundaries of the arthritis that has settled in the knees an back; but that person in me that never wants to give up on anything, just keeps tearing away. I still think I will limit my weekly miles, and keep my races to a 5 kilometer maximum and run them in cooler weather so I'm not tempted to push my lockup limits. For now I'm going to enjoy it. Today is a great day and one I've been waiting for, for a very long time. 

Running Away

"Do you remember what it was like when we were young?" People ask. Innocently enough I guess I do. But I don't like to answer that. All the memories come and go like the mess they were. Some blocked forever, I hope. You see, I remember my parents being consumed by the falsehoods of the prosperity ministry and the insanity that brought. I remember being the oldest of five running the streets and turning wrenches just trying to get through life with a basic footprint of a broken plan in progress. I remember having to pull all I had left from the pieces that the drugs and anxiety took away, as I built something better. I remember the struggling, the people I helped, the people I did not, and the situations I left behind for good. I pulled myself together even if it was one ugly mess without much left. That's what survival is. Keeping your basic needs in line and within reach. You can not allow yourself to get off track and want too much. You have to finish what you started in your head. You have to better yourself at any and all cost. At the end of the day it's you and God that you have to answer to. If you make the wrong decisions in the worst places you could easily go to prison for a long time and your survival narrative quickly changed, or your life ended short. Pull through, try to stay on track and finish what good you started. Realize mistakes are part of the process. Try to be productive to society if your not forced to be a burden to others. Yeah, I remember. Too much sometimes, too much. The moral of the story is, don't let yourself down, and use those dark memories to power your bright future. Learn from your mistakes as much as you can. 

Reflections and beyond by Ranger Ed©

2018 was my last full race running year as if I needed to remind myself of what has come. It started with the Blarney 5k on March 10th and I went on to run the Steamboat 4 miler, the Sgt. Douglas Riney memorial 5k, the Park District's Turkey Trot 4 miler and I had my last race in late November of that year at the Festival of Lights/Folepi 4 miler in East Peoria. I never pegged over an 11:30 per mile pace as injuries set in and I was on steroid shots for my knees and many anti-inflammatories. I never imagined I'd be tapping out again after overcoming a left knee injury with a successful surgery in 2015, but 5 months later in 2019 while launching a comeback to my 9-10 minute pace, I fried the rest of my medial meniscus on my right knee as I was doing speed work on the Alta leg of the Rock Island Trail. The reality is arthritis is setting in on my lower back and knees that have been plagued with injuries over the years and some days it's nearly impossible to even get to work in the morning without my fingers crossed that my meds kick in on time. I try to conceal it all and I consume a high dose of supplements and medications to plow through it. I still manage to bike and run over 30 miles every week on average but I have not raced since 2018. 2020 ended those chances as I worked through another knee surgery and then blood clot complications and a bout of diverticulitis. I have learned to expect aging and my career to add on to the injury challenges that I face. Then the pandemic came. The dreaded election year pandemic that shut almost everything down overnight. Ugh. That pretty much shut down all racing options and I used it as a time to continue to train hard and recover. Can you really even say your racing when you don't come close to your race goals? I think the whole idea is to trick the mind into believing that race day is the one. When I was running half marathons I certainly didn't have a choice on that mindset! It had to be in place or else. For now I'm trying to limit any 2021 races to 4 miles and my training involves much more biking to save the stress on my knees and back. I'm really looking forward to getting back to a full running and hiking schedule this year, but either way I'll keep loading up the miles and traveling down the road to nowhere. I think it's human nature to carry on no matter what. Who doesn't put the negative things in life to the side to try and get caught up or reach that one last silent goal or two? Next week as per January fashion I have a "hell week" scheduled for over 50 miles along with strength training as usual. Like any addiction, exercising can become a series of high and low rewards and consequences that one just has to wade through. My addictive personality just doesn't allow me to stop. I'm hardwired to self destruct as it seems. So if your feeling that way, just know you are certainly not alone and just keep pushing on. Keep up the good fight and realize the few bad battles you lost cannot compete with the good ones that will win the war.